


the view with you

by tinyFaeling



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Feels, No Sex, No Smut, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyFaeling/pseuds/tinyFaeling





	the view with you

they say that loving someone  
is attending a funeral  
for everyone they’ve ever been  
everyone you ever hoped they’d be;  
if that is true,  
what about me?  
I have shattered  
into a million different pieces;  
my body has been home  
to a million different souls

my heart  
can’t stand the struggle

he loves me,  
he loves me not just for the things I do for him;  
he loves who I am when my eyes light up  
every time I see his face  
or in that pause  
before I share a thought,  
the words perched right on the tip of my tongue and ready to tumble into sound.  
he loves me not despite but because of my troubles  
he loves me…  
not only do I echo the sentiment  
but I regrettably question the premise –  
how can I be loved  
when I can’t even be “me”  
whatever that means  
whoever that is

is my sense of self truly so precarious  
that one moment can blow it all down?  
a big bad wolf comes into the room  
and swallows me whole –  
everything I am, gone as I lie here in the dark…  
as I lie here in the dark,  
writing words as if it’s openness  
when everything is just a lovely turn of phrase,  
a trick to take your eyes off a magician’s truest trick:  
empathy without openness is a kind of illusion too,  
don’t you think?  
the fact of the matter is  
for most people, in most ways,  
I give the facts –  
nothing that would expose a child’s fears  
or an adult’s weakness,  
nothing that would compromise my integrity

“integrity”  
as if I haven’t compromised myself over and over  
letting people in to break and bruise  
and fracture whatever pieces they could find.  
as if I haven’t done the same to myself,  
or worse,  
since I know what words can cut the deepest  
I know what loss would truly break my heart

I have burned more bridges  
than you have ever built  
and still I stand here and say “I love you”  
and I mean it  
and I _mean_ it  
and every choice  
every _fucking_ choice I make  
comes down to whether or not  
to add another log,  
another brick,  
another piece of stone,  
whether I should burn it down –

but to walk away is to give up hope  
that someday I will see what’s on the other side  
of self-destruction;  
even from where I stand,  
the view of you is beautiful.

even now,  
with all your hurts and quirks and broken pieces  
wrapped up behind sweetness and good,  
I want to share it all with you –  
the sunrise, the adventure,  
the dreams that are almost too much to hope for;  
it’s hard not to dream when I feel so close to safe with you,  
so close to somewhere I can put down my fears  
and my aches  
and the torches I’ve thrown behind me every step of the way –  
a place I can just be whoever I am  
whatever I am  
with you  
if you would like that,  
if you would let me.

for you,  
I could believe I'm someone  
who could be wholly loved.

it’s hard not to dream when I feel so close to home, when  
whoever I am,  
wherever I am,  
the view with you is beautiful.


End file.
